By Mary Cushing Doherty, AAML Pennsylvania Fellow | High Swartz

In the case at hand, your client is Dad A in the custody and support matter:  Mr. A v. Mr. Z.  The case involving their 10-year-old daughter.  The parties settled custody issues before Conciliator C.  After the Domestic Relations Office support conference and testimony before the support Hearing Officer a legal issue was raised and referred to Family Court Judge J for a hearing on whether an agreement before Custody Conciliator C is binding in the support case. 

During the Custody Conciliation Dad Z and Dad A agreed that their daughter should return to attend overnight summer camp as she had in prior years.  The agreement on this and other issues was placed on the record before Conciliator C.  Dad A recalls that Conciliator C heard the lawyers state during the Conciliations that the respective cost to each parent would be resolved in support court.  Dad A is furious now because Dad Z (who switched lawyers) is telling the support DRO Officer, and the support Hearing Officer, that he cannot afford to pay his percentage of the overnight summer camp cost.   Dad Z argues he is not bound to contribute to this unreasonably expensive summer camp.  Dad Z asks the court to rule that he should not be bound to contribute anything greater than his share of the cost for their daughter to attend a local day camp.  You argue on behalf of Dad A that Dad Z cannot reopen the issue of the daughter’s reasonable summer camp when it was jointly approved as part of the custody agreement.  You argue both attorneys acknowledged in the Conciliation each parent’s contribution would be determined in support court.  Now Dad Z with his new attorney claims there was never this acknowledgement.

Your client wants Conciliator C to testify that the cost of summer camp was brought to the attention of Dad Z before he signed the custody agreement that addressed selection of overnight summer camp. You study whether you can successfully issue a subpoena to Conciliator C to appear before Judge J.  You start by reviewing 9 Standard Pennsylvania Practice 2d §54.12 that disapproves of eliciting testimony from a judicial officer as well as Pennsylvania Rule of Judicial Administration 1701 that provides no judicial officer pursuant to a subpoena without prior authorization of the Pennsylvania Supreme Court. 

You read Kulesa v. Mindy Harris, et al, 519 Fed Appx (3rd Cir. 2013) in which the federal Third Circuit Court of Appeals found the various court employees in Montgomery County, Pennsylvania (court administrators, prothonotary and Support Master Harris) are entitled to quasi-judicial immunity because they exercised discretionary judgment as part of their function.  Therefore, Support Master Harris could not be sued by a party about her actions in the support matter, and the litigation brought by plaintiff Kulesa was dismissed.

The Pennsylvania Superior Court in Leber v. Stretton (2007 allocatur denied) held questioning a judicial officer as to the knowledge or opinions of judicial officers regarding cases and their judicial function is prohibited.  You discuss the Leber and Kalesa decisions with your client and the client spots footnote 12 in Leber suggests in dicta a distinction between a judge testifying about her/his mental process (where judicial immunity applies) compared with purely factual testimony about what happened.  Arguing Conciliator C will provide purely the factual testimony, Dad A wants the subpoena to issue.

In an unreported decision Zabreski v. von Schmeling, 213 WL 1402324 (M.D. Pa. April 5, 2013), the Superior court rejected this argument based on the dicta in Leber and relied on the conclusion of the Pennsylvania Superior Court in Leber that found questioning a judicial officer about surrounding facts would be contrary to public policy and unacceptable because the conduct occurred during the judicial officer’s participation in a public hearing.

As an advocate you may try to thread this needle claiming you only seek fact testimony as suggested in the Leber dicta (footnote 12).  As counsel for Dad A, you should warn the client that Judge J might raise concerns about the burden on the functioning of the court.  The Zabreski decision advises there may be an appearance of impropriety if it is viewed that the court officer or judge is biased or showing favoritism.  The court has an interest is in facilitating the dispose efficient disposition of family law cases before Conciliators, Hearing Officers and other quasi-judicial court staff.  Therefore, the subpoena may not lead to testimony from Conciliator C.

By Julie Auerbach, AAML Penn Fellow | Astor Weiss Kaplan & Mandel, LLP

In any support case, the practitioner must identify all forms of income that fall within the state’s definition of income for support purposes. Income for support purposes is typically defined differently from income for tax purposes. Different states use different definitions of income. For example, some states include gift and inheritance as income for support purposes while others do not.

Pennsylvania defines income available for support as follows:

"Income." Includes compensation for services, including, but not limited to, wages, salaries, bonuses, fees, compensation in kind, commissions and similar items; income derived from business; gains derived from dealings in property; interest; rents; royalties; dividends; annuities; income from life insurance and endowment contracts; all forms of retirement; pensions; income from discharge of indebtedness; distributive share of partnership gross income; income in respect of a decedent; income from an interest in an estate or trust; military retirement benefits; railroad employment retirement benefits; social security benefits; temporary and permanent disability benefits; workers' compensation; unemployment compensation; other entitlements to money or lump sum awards, without regard to source, including lottery winnings; income tax refunds; insurance compensation or settlements; awards or verdicts; and any form of payment due to and collectible by an individual regardless of source.

23 Pa.C.S.A. § 4302.

Additionally, there are certain forms of income that may not be expressly included in a state’s statutory definition of income, but are included on the basis of case law.

Disputes often arise as to whether or not certain forms of income should be included in a support calculation. These “tricky” forms of income include phantom income, deferred compensation, business and employment perquisites, income from a trust, gift, or inheritance, and “paper only” deductions on tax returns. There are other forms of income that while may not be difficult to prove, may escape attention from the litigants, such as electronic forms of payments or the income of a spouse or partner as a basis to deviate from the support guidelines.

The first part of this presentation will discuss how to identify and include these tricky forms of income and sometimes overlooked forms of income in a support calculation. The second part of this presentation will discuss best practices in identifying and presenting these forms of income to the court.

Read the full article HERE.

Congratulations to our newest AAML Pennsylvania Fellow, Carolyn Moran Zack, Partner at Momjian Anderer, LLC.

Carolyn is a partner at Momjian Anderer, LLC, where she practices family law in Philadelphia and the surrounding counties. Ms. Zack began her career under the tutelage of Academy Fellow Albert Momjian, Esquire, and was a member of his family law group for fifteen years. She later served as a hearing officer for Chester County Family Court before joining the Momjian Anderer firm. Ms. Zack promotes alternative dispute resolution in family law matters, including writing a book on family Law Arbitration (Family Law Arbitration: Practice, Procedure and Forms (ABA 2020)).

Ms. Zack is the Treasurer of the Pennsylvania Bar Association Family Law Section, a member of the Pennsylvania Supreme Court’s Domestic Relations Procedural Rules Committee, the ABA Family Law and Dispute Resolution Sections, the Doris Jonas Freed Inn of Court, the Philadelphia Bar Association, and an interdisciplinary group of judges, mental health professionals and attorneys who meet regularly to discuss evolving custody issues.

Here is a note from Carolyn on what joining the AAML means to her:

"I have aspired to be a member of the Academy since I started practicing family law in 1987. My mentor, Academy Fellow Albert Momjian, spoke highly about the benefits of the AAML in developing a strong referral network and in providing an opportunity to learn from experienced family lawyers across the country. I look forward to making new friendships and to continuing this lifelong learning journey."

Welcome, Carolyn!

By Amy P. De Shong, AAML Pennsylvania 2022-2023 President | Wisler Pearlstine LLP

Do I need an attorney?

Say you and your spouse want to work amicably toward a low cost divorce outcome. Consulting with an attorney – especially if you do not tell your spouse about it – can feel like a betrayal. Worse, if you do tell your spouse about it, he or she may become angry. (“You promised we wouldn’t lawyer up!”)

Just as you would not sign yourself up for heart surgery without learning about your condition and your options, you should not try to settle with your spouse without having at least one consultation with an experienced family attorney. Your attorney will explain the law and how it applies to your situation. Everything you tell him or her is confidential – even the fact that you were there in the first place! When you learn about your legal rights, obligations, and options – as well as those of your spouse – you will feel the power that can only come from knowledge. There is no substitute for that.

Believe it or not, it’s better for you if your spouse does the same thing.

Can’t we just use the same attorney?

In most jurisdictions, attorneys are prohibited from representing both of you. And that makes sense, once you think about it. A homemaking mom’s goals and incentives differ from those of her husband: an attorney representing mom usually seeks a high level of financial support for as long as possible, while counsel for husband seeks to minimize the support obligation and may offer an increased portion of the marital assets in lieu of sharing her client’s income.

I’ll make the appointment: now what?

Your attorney should spend one to two hours with you. Expect to pay for the meeting. When you contact his or her office, ask whether there is a charge, the amount, whether payment is expected at the meeting, and whether the firm accepts payment by credit card. Think about how you will pay for the appointment if you do not wish for your spouse to know about the meeting. (If you pay with cash, your attorney should give you a written receipt.)

Ask whether you should bring any documents and expect to be asked to bring your last tax return, paystubs for you and your spouse, and a basic outline of your assets and liabilities. Know the amounts of certain monthly bills, such as your mortgage, real estate taxes and homeowners insurance, so that the attorney can run a support calculation. 1 Amy P. De Shong, Esq. adeshong@wispearl.com can run a support calculation. Don’t be afraid if you don’t have all of that stuff – just do the best you can. Bring along a list of all your questions. When you make the call for the appointment, be ready to provide your spouse’s name and employment information, so that the attorney can run a conflict search before you get there. (This is particularly important with larger law firms, where another attorney at the firm may have already met with your spouse or the firm may already represent your spouse’s employer or family members.)

If you and your spouse signed any agreements together, including a Prenuptial Agreement, bring them along. The more information you can supply, the more useful the attorney can be. Most jurisdictions use grids or guidelines in assessing child and spousal support obligations. These are usually based on incomes and/or living expenses of the parties and their kids. If a spouse or child has special needs or unusual expenses, such as medication or therapy, bring that information along.

What will I learn at this meeting?

As long as you bring the necessary information, your attorney should give you an overview of support, custody, and property distribution. The attorney should answer all of your questions and treat you with compassion and respect. Expect to become emotional and maybe even to cry during the meeting.

Your attorney should listen to you, not interrupt you, and not lecture you. Your attorney should be able to speak to you clearly and in plain terms. If he or she bristles at your concerns, is high-handed, or makes your feel stupid, thank him or her for the time and end the meeting. No experienced attorney should be threatened by your questions. At the same time, however, remember that things you may have read about divorce on the Internet or heard from the folks at your neighborhood bar are not always correct.

I have retained an attorney: what’s next?

Your attorney should give you a written summary, often called a fee agreement letter, of exactly how and when you will be billed. Read it carefully and do not sign it if you have questions, concerns, or if you do not understand it. Expect to receive invoices monthly and insist that they set forth detailed charges so that you always know exactly where you stand. If your attorney seems uncomfortable answering your reasonable questions about any charges, that’s a red flag. Tell your attorney how you feel and if he or she is not responsive, it may be time to move on to someone else.

You and your counsel should map out a strategy that meets your goals and concerns. That means that you have to be able to identify and articulate those goals and concerns, at least on a basic level. For example, you may want your attorney to get as much money for you as possible, but without being ugly or combative. Your attorney may point out that those goals conflict if your spouse is hiding money from you. That should prompt a healthy discussion about how far your attorney can go in issuing subpoenas and other legal documents before you will become too uncomfortable. Then, talk about what happens after that.

Similarly, be as clear as you can be about your preferred child custody arrangements. If you are a dad who is just fine with alternating weekends, make sure your lawyer knows that so that he or she does not start demanding equally shared custody on your behalf.

As you go along, keep a file of your notes, all correspondence, all emails, and other papers such as pleadings and financial information. Make sure your attorney and his or her assistants do not send emails and other communications to your workplace, unless you want them to do so. (Think carefully about that, by the way.) Clarify expected response times. (In this age of instant responses, some clients demand instant answers to complex questions -- that's not such a good idea.) Plan your phone calls and email exchanges so that you keep your costs down. When you are anxious and upset, it’s easy to ask the same questions over and over again: if you can take careful notes and then refer back to them when you get upset, rather than calling your attorney, you will save money on legal fees. Talk with your counsel about what you can do on your own to contribute to your case and keep your fees down. For example, you may be able to gather and copy documents, or even to prepare summaries of financial information. Just remember that your attorney must read and understand it all in order to make an effective presentation on your behalf.

Remember that no reputable, experienced family lawyer is threatened by a well-informed client who seeks to reduce his or her legal fees! At the same time, however, if you find that you are constantly second-guessing or questioning your counsel, he or she will begin to feel mistrusted and not respected. If that goes on for too long, the relationship may fail. If you start to feel that things are not going well between you and your attorney, speak up.

If you have to attend any Court or other legal proceedings, your attorney should explain to you exactly what is expected of you, how much time will be involved, and what will likely happen that day. Will you be cooling your heels in the hallway with your spouse while the attorneys speak with the Judge? Will there be any decision that day? Court is not like what we see on TV and in the movies – there is a lot of waiting. Judges have heavy caseloads and they do not always have the time to read the file before we get there. You can arrive eager and ready for action, only to find yourself 15th on a list of 20 cases.

Attorneys are people too.

Sometimes your relationship with your spouse plays out in your relationship with your attorney. The spouse of an aggressive and overbearing spouse retains an aggressive and overbearing attorney. That client gets swept along in an emotionally and financially costly exercise without ever being in control. Because that’s business as usual for that spouse, he or she may not even be aware of it. No personal growth occurs for that client. As a result, he or she may never be able to move beyond the divorce.

Even if your relationship with your counsel is perfect, he or she may head off confidently in directions that you do not want. When that occurs, it’s often because your attorney has grown to care deeply about you and wishes to do whatever it takes to protect your future – sometimes without checking with you first! If you feel that your attorney has raised the battle flag and run headlong into a skirmish that you have no interest in waging, speak up!

While no divorce is ever pleasant, if you have a good relationship with a good attorney and you work as a team, you can expect to come through the process strong, solid, and confident.

Originally published January, 2012.

By Julie Auerbach, AAML Penn Fellow | Astor Weiss Kaplan & Mandel, LLP

The attorneys in the Pennsylvania Chapter of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers have experience and credentials above and beyond most family law lawyers. Academy members must pass complex and sophisticated national and state examinations to gain admittance. They must be highly regarded for their legal expertise and ethics by both other members of the bar and Judges. They are actively involved in family law organizations and often serve on and advise legislative committees addressing ways to better implement and provide for the needs of those individuals with family law issues.

Academy members have access to cutting edge information and resources with respect to the large number of issues that can arise in a divorce, support, custody or domestic violence case. The AAML partners with other professional organizations that intersect with family law related issues, such as business valuation organizations and the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts.

Academy members have networks throughout the country and the world to provide the right resources needed to competently and effectively represent our clients.

For high quality and effective representation in your family law related matter, please reach out to one of our members. A list of our members can be found here.

By Amy P. De Shong, AAML Pennsylvania 2022-2023 President | Wisler Pearlstine LLP

When you contact us, be prepared to provide the opposing party’s name, address, and employment information so that can identify any potential conflict of interest before you come in to see us. We will answer any questions as well as explain the cost of the consultation and how to make arrangements for payment.

Your contact with us is completely confidential and will remain so, even if we find that a potential conflict of interest prohibits us from meeting with you.

While every person’s needs are unique, we find that most prospective divorce clients want to know their rights and obligations with respect to support and asset characterization and distribution. If we have the information with which to do so, we will run support calculations and give you a sense of the likely asset and liabilities distribution. In order for us to do that, we need to have some basic financial information as follows:

1. A list of the couple’s assets and liabilities. Be sure to include retirement accounts such as Individual Retirement Accounts, pensions, and profit sharing/401(k) statements. Please include mortgage balances, credit card balances, and/or student loan balances.

2. Your most recently filed income tax return, including all schedules and attachments.

3. Current paystubs and the most recent Forms W-2 (year-end wage statement) for both parties.

4. If you or your spouse are self-employed, please bring the most recent business tax returns, any Forms K-1, and, if possible, a profit and loss statement.

5. Recent statements for all bank accounts titled to you and your spouse.

6. Information with respect to health insurance and life insurance coverage.

7. Recent credit card statements.

8. Documentation of expenses such as private school tuition, child care expenses, and special medical needs.

9. An overview of the household bills and some sense of how they are being paid and by whom.

While prospective clients often assume that they should seek or be ready to defend against the entry of a support order, we sometimes find that they are better off with an agreement that maintains their status quo. If you do not have or are not able to locate all of this information, don’t worry. Just bring what you can locate and we will take things from there!

This article was first posted in August 2016. It is intended to be used only for informational purposes. Neither this article, nor the contents of this article, are intended to be nor should be construed as legal advice.

By Amy P. De Shong, AAML Pennsylvania 2022-2023 President | Wisler Pearlstine LLP

If you are going through a divorce, the holiday season can be a special nightmare.

The expectations of your family of origin and/or those of your in-laws are added to the demands placed upon you by your soon to be ex, your kids, and your work place. If you are struggling financially, you may feel inadequate because you cannot provide the quality of gifts for your family that you may have provided in the past years. Commercial expressions of "good cheer" are everywhere.

If you are the spouse who sought the divorce, you may feel some guilt or uncertainty about your decision. Your spouse may be all too good at pushing those buttons.

Here are some tips for getting through it all:

1. Place yourself in your children's shoes.

Really. When you are tempted to argue with your spouse, respond to an attack launched by your spouse, or even launch one of your own, stop, breathe and think. Where are your kids at that very moment?  

Are they in the next room? Are they in the back seat? Are they upstairs in your house? If so, they are within earshot. They are probably even straining to listen. Don't kid yourself.

You cannot control your spouse any more than you can control the north wind. You can control your response to your spouse's behavior. Block the chance that things will escalate into an argument. Acknowledge whatever legitimate point is being made by your spouse and do your best to respond only to that. If you are wrong, say so and apologize. Offer to think about what he or she is telling you and tell him or her that you will respond later. Buy yourself some breathing room. If you can, paraphrase the content of your spouse's message, so that he or she see that you have indeed heard it. 

Example 1: "I understand that you are mad because I got here 30 minutes late and that is making you late for your doctor's appointment. I got stuck at the office and I am sorry. I will make sure it does not happen again. Next time something happens that I cannot control, I will call you right away."

Example 2: "I understand that you are very angry with me, but I do not think we can have a good conversation about it right now. Let's see when we can talk about (lateness, money, whatever the problem is) when we are alone and we are better able to do it without yelling at each other."

Example 3: "I hear you. This is something that our attorneys will have to discuss and advise about because I do not know what the answer is. I will call mine first thing in the morning and ask for his/her guidance."

Example 4: "I hear you and I want to understand why you are so upset. As long as you are screaming at me, however, I just can't do that."

If none of this is possible, leave the room. Leave the house if you have to do so. Drive away. Whatever it takes to break the circuit. Try to envision your spouse as a co-worker. You wouldn't launch into an intensely personal argument in the work place, even if you were unfairly attacked, would you?

2. If you normally use alcohol or other substances to get you through difficult family events, do not do it this year. 

Remain focused and alert. You want to be in full control of your ears and mouth so that you can respond appropriately to any provocations. After having a few beers or too many glasses of wine, you will find it harder to keep your mouth shut.

3. Demonstrate patience and grace

If your spouse backs out of or tries to change a holiday custody agreement, is late for a pick up or drop off, or holds your kids hostage for an hour or two, go back to Tip #1. Give way.

This is hard. It's really hard. Be that parent who takes the high road. Your kids don't care who "wins" - they just know that if mom and dad spend the next 15 minutes fighting over pick up, drop off, or who does the driving, they'll be late for or even miss their holiday concert or, worse, they will be deeply embarrassed in front of their friends. Unless your spouse's conduct threatens an overnight or the holiday itself, it rarely makes sense financially to get your attorney involved. 

4. Remember that your new relationship takes a back seat to the (reasonable) needs of your kids. 

If your significant other starts placing demands on you that feel unfair and unreasonable, that's probably because he or she is feeling insecure. The stress of the holidays heightens our sensitivity to that sort of thing and that means unintended slights get magnified and people make demands that make no sense. Stop, hug, and talk. Repeat as needed. Your significant other may be worried about his or her role in your life - give him or her permission to directly tell you about those feelings, rather than acting out, so that you may respond appropriately. 

5. Do the same with your kids. 

If it feels like your kids are making crazy demands, being especially needy, or seeking to manipulate you, ask them about their feelings and try to do directly. Are they feeling threatened by your significant other? Are they terrified that if they show any kindness toward him or her, the other parent will punish them? Are they worried that they are losing you? Consider one on one time with each child. Even an hour can mean a lot. 

6. Be patient with yourself. 

You are not perfect. And, let's face it, perfect people are dull. All that stuff that always drives you nuts during the holidays is still out there, in addition to your divorce. If you continue to circle back to Tip #1, you will find yourself starting the New Year without regrets. 

This article was first posted in December 2011 and has been updated. It is intended to be used only for informational purposes. Neither this article, nor the contents of this article, are intended to be nor should be construed as legal advice. 

Julie A. Auerbach, Esquire, will be honored by the Pennsylvania Bar Association on November 17 at the Annual Committee/Section Day, with the 2022 C. Dale McClain Quality of Life/Balance Award.  Presented by the PBA Quality of Life/Balance Committee, the annual award recognizes the substantial contributions that Pennsylvania attorneys have made by identifying issues relevant to balancing the professional and personal lives of their peers, and the progress made in assisting attorneys with maintaining and improving their overall quality of life.

The award is named after C. Dale McClain, one of the founders of the Quality of Life/Balance Committee and the 114^th president of PBA. McClain spent much of his career fulfilling the mission of the committee through educating attorneys on the importance of attaining a quality of life/balance in the practice of law.

As a Co-chair of the PBA Women in the Profession (WIP) Quality of Life Committee, Julie Auerbach, is being recognized for her continued work to help attorneys learn to balance their professional and personal lives through wellness activities, educational tools and social events.

Auerbach’s (and her co-chair and co-awardee, Anne John, Esquire) notable initiatives include coordinating the 2022 PBA WIP Wellness Luncheon Series that provided a forum for discussions about issues facing women lawyers. Program topics included assessing true financial worth, balancing career and childcare, finding time for fitness, navigating interoffice politics and paving the way for inclusivity in law firm culture. The co-chairs organized several additional WIP activities, including self-defense workshops, mindfulness walks and yoga sessions.

Julie became a Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers in 2020. 

Congratulations, Julie!

By Amy P. DeShong, Esq. | Wisler Pearlstine LLP | AAML Penn 2022 - 2023 President

After 28 years of handling divorces and counseling clients, I am able to identify ten common mistakes that clients make when they hear that their spouse wants out of the marriage.

1. Thinking that guilt will keep your spouse with you.

Guilt has its limits. If one party is made to feel guilty and stays from that sense of obligation, the relationship is going to remain unhealthy for each of them. If your spouse has betrayed you, whether by cheating or hiding a spending problem, you've got to identify and understand the source of that behavior before you can move on together. Shaming, as tempting and temporarily satisfying as it may feel, will cause your spouse to turn on you later on. The more you lecture your spouse about marriage vows, the obligation to stay with you forever, and your gift of "the best years of your life," the faster he or she will head for the door.

2. Assuming that your spouse really wants to divorce you.

Don't take your spouse at his or her word or start packing your bags when you hear "I want a divorce" or "maybe we should separate for awhile." These words often mean "we are in trouble and I don't know what to do" or "help -- I am not happy and you must be the problem" or "this threat to divorce is the only way I can get your attention!" In either case, seeking some professional help can get the two of you back on track.

3. Badmouthing your spouse to friends, family, and coworkers at the first sign of trouble; oversharing personal information about your marriage.

Don't betray yourself or your spouse by doing too much talking, whether by phone, in person, or online. Once you figure out your feelings, you will only have to "walk back" a lot of what you've said. If you've done too good a job at alienating people from your spouse, they will wonder why you've grown a second head when you take him or her back. You will have to do repair work plus you'll have to hear everybody's advice which may include "I told you so."

4. Lying about your feelings in order to make things easier for your spouse.

Do not lie and do not make false promises in order to get your spouse to stay. You may well be unhappy in the marriage. Maybe your spouse had the courage to speak up first, but now the opportunity for change lies before you both. You do not owe your spouse what he or she wants to hear: you do owe your spouse as much honesty and direct explanation as you can muster. Give yourself that respect.

5. Trying to appease your spouse in order to keep him or her in the marriage.

Do not agree to have another child, add onto your home, buy a second or third home, or take an expensive vacation in order to "fix things" and/or "make him/her happy again." Do not buy cars or boats. Seek out the professional and do the hard work of identifying and then discussing, directly and clearly, what you want from yourself and your spouse.

6. Using food, drugs or alcohol in ways that lead to excessive weight loss, weight gain, or addiction.

The occasional binge with well-meaning friends or that date with the ice cream carton is to be expected. Not eating for three days is something altogether different. Be aware of any changes in your eating or drinking habits. Is addiction among the reasons your spouse wants out? Don't hesitate to seek help: do what you need to do in order to protect yourself. Whether or not your marriage ends, you are worth the effort.

7. Relying on the Internet for legal advice.

No one wants to pay legal fees. But when you are in real trouble, there is no substitute for learning about your legal rights, options, and obligations from an attorney with expertise in divorce. Just as medical websites can educate about ailments you can learn about family law on a lot of websites, but only an attorney who knows your situation can put the big picture together for you. Invest in a one- to two- hour consultation in order to give yourself peace of mind and power.

8. Expecting that the law will require your spouse to take care of you forever.

Learn about and make sure you understand your financial picture, especially if you are the spouse who is financially dependent. Whether a divorce is in your future or not, do not allow yourself to be economically vulnerable.

9. Using sex, especially without protection, to keep your spouse in the marriage.

Intimacy is one thing. Ending up with a disease from a cheating spouse or an unwanted pregnancy is quite another. Resist any tempation to engage in "mercy sex" with your spouse because it may serve only to upset and confuse you. Avoid any sexual contact with a spouse whom you suspect may lie to you about the use of birth control pills or devices. Avoid any possibility of contact that could complicate your own decision making.

10. Thinking you can punish your spouse by alienating you kids from him or her. 

When you are hurt, it is tempting to overshare your feelings of anger and turn your kids against the other parent. I will spare you the obvious "best interests" message, because you already know that your kids need both parents in order to grow up well. I have observed a much more immediate consequence: if you succeed in getting your kids to hate your spouse as much as you do, they will turn on you when they reach their late teens. 

Plymouth Meeting, Pa. – (October 1, 2022) – Melissa (Missy) Boyd and Elizabeth (Liz) Early are pleased to announce the formation of their new law firm, Boyd & Early Family Law LLC, a boutique, full-service family law firm located in Plymouth Meeting and Malvern.

Distinguished attorneys and passionate advocates, Missy and Liz are eager to continue to service Montgomery, Chester, Bucks, Delaware and Philadelphia county residents involved in a variety of family law matters including divorce, child custody, support, and protection from abuse (PFA) actions.

Missy, a former owner and partner, and Liz, a former partner, of High Swartz have been colleagues and friends for seven years.

Missy “I am thrilled to partner with Liz in this next exciting step of my career. Having practiced family law for over twenty years, forming my own firm bearing my name is beyond gratifying.”

Missy and Liz will be joined by Jennifer (Jen) Ryan and Chelsey Christiansen, two sensational lawyers and young leaders in their personal and professional communities. With Jen and Chelsey joining the team, Boyd & Early Family Law offers services at a variety of price points but does not compromise the superior service provided to all clients.

Liz echoes Missy’s excitement and regard for the Boyd & Early Family Law team, saying, “We could not ask for a better group of family law attorneys. Each attorney brings a unique background and breadth of experience to the office and to each case.  We look forward to continuing to serve our clients with the personalized approach in which we pride ourselves.”

Reflecting on their time together at High Swartz, the founding members of Boyd & Early Family Law feel appreciative to have the support of their former colleagues and continued professional and personal relationships with High Swartz LLP. Managing Partner of High Swartz, Joel Rosen, said, “Missy and her group are talented lawyers who are and will continue to be good friends to many at High Swartz. We wish them success in this next chapter.”

Bonded by their passion for family law and commitment to positively contributing to their community, all four women begin this new chapter excited and energized to continue to make a difference for clients and within their larger communities.

For more information, go to www.boydearlyfamilylaw.com